The Thoughts in My Mind: Should You Stay Friends With Your Friend’s Ex?

Once a friend becomes involved in romantic relationships, it is very common to become acquainted with their significant other. In fact, these new found acquaintanceships can eventually form into very good friendships. But what happens to these friendships after the romance fades and the relationship ends? Is it appropriate to remain friends with the ex of your friend?

When approaching an answer to this question you have to take into account several factors:

1. What was the cause of the break up?

Let’s face it, in MOST break ups both people share the blame. However, there are times that one person is completely to blame. For example, if your girlfriend/boyfriend spends all of your money, ruins your credit, has no job and manages to sleep with every member of your immediate/extended family and friends, it’s pretty safe to assume that you were not to blame. If this is the case, it probably would NOT be best to maintain a friendship with your friend’s ex. But keep in mind, if your friend is the unemployed, triflin’ gold-digging, cheater in the equation, it may not be necessary to end a friendship. You have to evaluate who is to blame for the relationship. If they were able to end things on good terms, chances are your friend won’t mind the fact that you have decided to continue a friendship with their ex.

2. Did you have a friendship prior to the relationship?
If you were friends with this person prior to their relationship with your friend, why should you have to end the friendship simply because they couldn’t make things work? Keep in mind, your friend may not be receptive to you hanging out with the person any longer but it shouldn’t mean that you are automatically required to break up with the person as well. After all, it was THEIR relationship, not yours.

3. Who do you have a stronger sense of loyalty to?
I’m going to be completely honest. Loyalty is something that I’m very big on. In fact, sometimes my sense of loyalty supersedes logicality. I’ m typically the friend who would support your release from prison despite the fact that you robbed 4 banks, punched a baby, and burned down a building…just kidding. But that being said, I’m more than likely to side with a friend who I’m closer to in a breakup (as long as the friend wasn’t the type of person mentioned as the cause of breakup in Question 1 that is). If my friend is wronged in a situation, I see no reason to side with the person who wronged them. More specifically, if the only reason that I have any connection to person who wronged my friend is my friend, there is absolutely no reason to remain cordial or maintain any form of a relationship.

(Here’s the perfect example of a loyal friend)

4. Can you survive without this new friendship?
Do you feel as though life can’t go on unless your friend’s ex is your life? Is this person ABSOLUTELY detrimental to your existence and you could potentially die without them? If so, you may need to question your life and seek psychiatric evaluation. But in all seriousness, if you feel as though this person has become an integral part of your life and you’d like to continue the friendship then go for it. However, if that is not the case there is no need to create a sense of awkwardness between you and your primary friend in the situation. This doesn’t mean that you can’t remain cordial with them by any means.

In reality, it is impossible to give an accurate answer as to what one should do in regards to the subject at hand. Everything is completely situational and there are so many different factors that play into one’s decision. At the end of the day, you have to do what’s truly best for you. That isn’t to say that you should disregard the feelings of others that could be affected by the situation but keep in mind that you have consider how you feel as well.

What do you think, should you remain friends with your friend’s ex?

-Jordan

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