Oh Sh*t, I Caught Feelings: Is Having Just Casual Sex Possible?

It happens all too often. Not quite ready for the serious commitment thing, a lot of us find ourselves in casual situations with someone we are attracted to and start to develop a routine sexual itinerary. This of course leads to the inevitable, no strings attached, friends with benefits, f*ck buddy situation that successfully lasts over the course of time. Then out of nowhere, as if it crept up like that cold you refuse to catch at the change of seasons–you’ve caught it.

Damn it, you’ve got feelings!

It’s the age old scenario that has fueled the plots of two of my favorite movies No Strings Attached and Friends With Benefits and after I realized an odd connection between the movies and the developments of my past relationships and flings, I must question: Is having just casual sex possible without catching feelings?

Some might be thinking that of course it’s possible, but I challenge you all (yes, even you Mr. Promiscuous emotionally vacant heartthrob) to seriously think about all your routine sex partners and question if you’ve never caught any type of feelings. Chances are you have. The dynamic of catching feelings is due to a lot of factors and manifests in different ways.

There is some science behind it

I’m sure we are all aware of the benefits of sex. Some of us even grasp the concept that there are tons of chemicals and endorphins released in our bodies during sex and after an orgasm. Well, one particular chemical that is released to the brain might explain why it’s so difficult to keep feelings out of a sexual relationship. Oxytocin or the “cuddling hormone” is responsible for creating bonds. It’s prevalent in breast milk so that a child and mother bond and it’s role in sex creates a trust between partners. So naturally, the more sex you have with someone the more trust you begin to have for them. It’s science.

Couple like patterns begin

So before or after your raunchy hook up with your new sex buddy, certain patterns take form. You begin to know each other’s intricacies (especially in sex) and this pours over into knowing small details about each other in general. Small conversations begin at first before their length gradually increase. Then the personal questions pour in “Why aren’t you in a relationship?” Next thing you know, after an accidental cuddling session, you are thinking about texting your friend for a night to watch movies instead of a night of sex. Feelings have slowly begun to sneak in.

Then awkward things begin to happen

And finally, jealousy erupts

Before long, you find yourself in a pseudo relationship with your sex friend. They know your schedule, have hanged with a couple of your friends before and oddly know your order at the late night drive-thru of Taco Bell. Then, jealousy enters the once fun and care free nature of your initial interaction. “Who is that?” can be heard as they peer over your phone. This is the stage of any friendship/relationship where feelings can’t be denied and must be addressed. It’s at this point you have to analyze what direction to take things and you can throw the “f*ck buddy” title out of the window.

—

Although I do feel that it’s incredibly possible to have casual sex without developing feelings, I don’t think you can be a repeat offender. Repetition creates habit and when you have a habitual person you can always rely on to fulfill your sexual desires, chances are that before long you will want them to fulfill your emotional ones as well. So my answer to the question:

There is a possibility to not catch feelings with someone you have repetitive casual sex with, it’s just very rare.

Your thoughts?

-Cj

11 0