The Thoughts In My Mind: I Don’t Know How to Date

Starting the draft of this post, I really wanted to title it “I Forgot How to Date” and then it hit me–I’m 24 and don’t even know how to date in the first place. I think this might be a harsh realization that should unnerve me. Maybe it signaled that my relatively new found single status would be permanent, that I would never find love again, or that like most things I’m being melodramatic. Either way, it’s an odd realization and one I’m finding too common amongst people my age.

Do twenty somethings of today even know how to date or have the dynamics of dating changed that drastically?

Now, this is my usual pattern. After my initial first serious relationship, I’ve either jumped right into another one after it ended, remained completely alone drastically avoiding all romantic situations, or found an odd relationship with my job, obsession with Netflix and sweet foods at night. Never really allowing myself to casually date, I found that now as I’m trying to dwell in the dating world, I have not a clue of what I’m doing.

Have the dynamics changed? Has texting become dating?

It seems that the ideal way to begin casually dating is to first meet promising people in relatively normal or socially acceptable situations and to have a few awkward run ins where you subtly interview each other to determine capability. But nowadays, it seems that with technology a few of those steps are replaced with a few key series of text messages where it’s easy to eliminate wasted potential and save a lot of money and time. So that’s it, texting has become the new dating! Sadly, this has become the reality of so many. Texting, emails, Skype, and every other form of quick communication has nearly eradicated the initial stages of dating–the ones where body language, eye contact, and naturally chemistry are so crucial in determining how we feel about a person. So the challenge is that next time you get a hold of that cutie in the bar’s number, immediately set up a date with them before getting too comfortable with texting or any other quick form of communication.

More casual sex means less casual dating.

It’s true. Look in your phone at this very second and there is a high chance you could easily call a few people in your contacts for a sexual encounter. Another reality of dating these days, is that getting sex has become so easy that it has stifled actual dating in an odd way. Instead of inviting a person with potential out for a fun social activity, we’re inviting them over to “chill”. Of course said chilling doesn’t involve an intriguing conversation. There’s nothing wrong with casual sex but when actually trying to get to know someone and effectively date, it should be kept to a minimum. The challenge? Keep it in your pants. The next person you actually want to get to know, engage in great conversation with them before engaging your private parts.

But, I’m working on me.

Perhaps the most understandable reason why not dating occurs. After getting out of a relationship, moving, or focusing on your education or career goals–it’s easy to keep the focus on yourself. Working on yourself is understandable, but also a great excuse. Why can’t you work on yourself while also allowing yourself to date promising individuals? It’s very true that you can’t truly be in a great relationship until you have a great relationship with yourself, but this isn’t a relationship–it’s dating. The challenge is to let go of all excuses and insecurities and truly allow yourself to experience all the intricacies of casual dating.

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So before I dedicate myself to an unneeded life of bachelorhood, I’ve got to face the challenges I just laid out. Although I might not have much experience with casually dating because I’m usually in a committed relationship or am enjoying being a wild single young guy–I have to realize that in order to know how to date, I have to well, date. Dating has changed in so many ways over the years, but the same principle remains the same–allowing yourself to be open to getting to know another individual who could potentially change your life for the better.

What are your thoughts? Are you comfortable with casually dating? Sound off below.

-Cj

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