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unhappyTonight as I watched an episode of Vh1’s Love & Hip Hop, I had an epiphany. Yes, reality television provoked an intelligent thought for once as opposed to the usual loss of brain cells.While most were likely consumed with the drama filled story lines involving a broken relationship of 13-years (as the result of a secret marriage to a third-party), a father questioning the paternity of his son and a certain model with questionable singing abilities who seemingly finds conflict everywhere, I watched as a couple (that was unmarried) attended a counseling session,  to attempt to resolve the issues in their relationship. I couldn’t help but wonder why people who are not bound to each other by marriage allow themselves to deal with things that they aren’t obligated to deal with.

I’m certainly not knocking people who attend couple’s counseling despite the fact that they aren’t married. In fact, many people seek pre-marital counseling and there are even churches that require it before agreeing to perform a wedding ceremony. I am simply questioning certain things that people choose to deal with on behalf of their significant other while not married. Yes, they say love makes you do crazy things but it does not eliminate your ability to choose.

For example, Infidelity is not something that we are required to deal with yet people are constantly complaining about it within their relationships. If you are continually forgiving someone for cheating on you and expecting them to eventually be faithful, chances are they won’t. Do you know the definition of insanity?  However, in the confines of a marriage, one may feel more obligated or inclined to attempt to make things work and usually with good reasoning. In the event that someone decides to walk away from a marriage, they still lack the ability to walk away with the same level of  immediacy that one could walk from a relationship that is not legally bound.

With that, the question I would pose is quite simple. Is this person your forever? Do you see yourself spending the rest of your life with this person? Keep in mind that this means that you will be fully accepting them for who they are and completely willing to work through whatever issues may arise. If your answer is yes or marriage is not something that you’re considering at any point, then this post may not necessarily apply to you. However, if you are unable to answer either of those questions or are simply “having fun” and not looking for anything serious, it is quite possible that you are wasting your time or wasting the time of someone else.

 

What are your thoughts?

 

-Jordan 

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One thought on “The Unwarranted Tolerance: The Perils of Treating a Relationship Like A Marriage

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  1. Jackie 10 years ago

    I think the issue with society is that less and less people want to get married. So even though there’s no legal binding, these long term couples still feel a need to work it out. They’ve invested so much time together, a break up at that point seems foolish. Maybe they believe they’ve been off the market for too long to pick up and start looking again. Or maybe they just don’t feel like they deserve better. There’s always the fact that no one likes to be alone. While I don’t agree with the mind set, I can certainly see what would make them stay. Some people believe being with someone and miserable is better than being alone.