As if our twenties aren’t confusing enough, God thought it would be humorous to throw in this torturous thing known as “dating”. While we’re grateful that it exists, it is undeniable that dating can become extremely frustrating at times. This figurative audition of your heart is usually fun until feelings become a factor. We often choose to go with what we feel although it may not always be the most rational choice. This is true as it relates to education, jobs and of course, the uncertain pastime of dating. However, feelings seemingly have a way of complicating everything but especially when they are misguided. Let’s fast forward a bit… Say you’ve already been dating someone for a significant amount of time and would like to take things to the next level. You’re not quite ready for a relationship but more so a commitment. However, you haven’t discussed or defined exactly what it is that the two of you are doing and to make things even more complicated, you’re not completely sure that you’re both on the same page. Let’s be honest, why would you be certain of any of this? After all, that would make sense and life NEVER makes sense. Don’t forget to take into account the fact that we are a part of a generation that is built on pride. We fear being placed in any position that could potentially make us look weak or inferior. So how do you proceed from here? How do you logistically go about asking whether or not you’re exclusively dating without getting hurt or embarrassed? The outcome… has the potential to be beautiful or devastating — there’s no in-between.
The Worst they can say is “no”.
If it’s something that you truly want to know, you shouldn’t be afraid to ask. For all you know, the outcome could be positive and your desire for exclusivity could be mutual. Although you may not receive the answer that you’re looking for, sometimes you have to be the one to put yourself out there to obtain some form of clarity. If they say “no”, there’s no sugar coating it– it’s going to suck. But look at it this way, it won’t be the first or last time that your dating life doesn’t go in the direction that you’re hoping for because a lot of this process is trial and error. It’s truly pointless to continue going through the motions if you’re not on the same page and you’re unwilling to continue to work towards getting there. However, just because someone says that you are not the only person that they are dating at the time, it does not necessarily indicate a lack of regard for you or your feelings. It is possible that they simply aren’t at the same place as you at this particular time. It certainly doesn’t mean that they never will be. If you’re still interested in getting to know the person then go for it. But perhaps you shouldn’t place all of your eggs in one basket.
Goodness, why is it always so much easier to process and assess things logically until you have to follow your own advice? C’est la vie…
How would you proceed if you were in a similar situation?
-Jordan
