In our twenties, we often adopt this idea that everything about our lives must be perfect. We want the perfect job, the perfect living situation and of course, the perfect relationship. In an effort to achieve the latter at a more expeditious rate, many have turned to the internet to find love. In addition to sites that offer assistance in your dating endeavors (such as eHarmony, Christian Mingle and OkCupid) many have resorted to the use of mobile dating apps and forms of social media like Facebook hoping to acquire a significant other. But is this truly the best form of “dating”? Can you really find a lasting and meaningful relationship with someone through a computer screen?
In Part one of our series, the focus was placed on how to avoid becoming a victim of catfishing. Part two of the series will focus on the lack of interpersonal interaction involved in online dating as well feature the opinions of various twenty-somethings as it relates to the subject.
It goes without saying that a HUGE part in maintaining the success of any relationship (whether between friends, family members or insignificant others) is communication. For that reason, one could conclude that communication is equally important in the process of dating before any form of a relationship is established. Interpersonal Interaction is a form of communicating that encompasses the exchange of information, emotions and meaning through the use of both verbal and non-verbal messages. From the use of interpersonal interaction, one not only understands a message by what is physically said but also by HOW it was said or through the use of non-verbal indicators such as facial expressions or hand gestures. This form of communication is essential because it ensures the receivers understanding of the message.
Wait…What does any of this have to do with online dating?!
Well, I’m glad that you asked…
The major issue with online dating and the use of mobile dating apps is that it is difficult (if even possible) to have interpersonal interaction through a computer screen or phone.
There are some forms of interpersonal communication that one could potentially use while communicating on the internet. For example, If I no longer reply to your messages, I’m non-verbally communicating that I no longer wish to communicate with you. And one could even attempt to argue that you communicate interpersonally through Skype. However, the largest component missing in these two examples is direct human interaction. Once that element is removed, there are grounds for all types of miscommunication and misunderstood signals. How much can you truly know someone through video messaging? Is that enough to go off of in establishing a real meaningful relationship? Based upon the lack of what I feel is a key element in truly understanding someone during the communicative process, I would say no.
However, we at Lessons From Happy Hour always welcome a difference of opinion so here’s what a few other 20-somethings think about online dating and whether or not it has the ability to promote lasting and meaningful relationships.
Atrice Alexis, 27
I’ve been adverse to it, because I came of age when personal computers were not yet prevalent. When they did become the norm, I was often warned about predators and catfishing. Years later, despite the fact that I know several people who met their spouses online, that mindset has stuck with me. Also, I’m holding on to the fairytale of my person maybe being a long-time friend or bumping into a beautiful man on the street and then living happily-ever-after. Online dating just doesn’t fit into my fantasies. However, I’ve been watching the web-series “Hello Cupid” and it’s got me to thinking…
(Here’s a link to episode of the YouTube series “Hello Cupid”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t0eHcbez_LU for a point of reference. If you start from there and continue to watch the series, perhaps it’ll change your own perception of online dating)
Aly Roth, 22
I do think that it is possible to form lasting meaningful relationships from online dating. However, in order for them to work, I feel that the two people that are involved need to really be committed to the process as well as making sure that they aren’t doing it simply because they are bored (like the people on the show Catfish).
Romane Yancey, 20-Something.
Sheji Rivers, 23
I definitely feel that it is possible to form lasting and meaningful relationships through online dating. In this day and age, using the internet to date opens people up to meet and experience people they would likely never run into on the street or through friends and family. Online dating is revolutionary and although still looked at as taboo it is a tool that more single people should use in order to find their mate when they have exhausted traditional resources. It is especially beneficial to those who have been around the block with the pick of the litter in their own communities and aren’t afraid to see what the rest of the county or the world has to offer them in the dating world. I would truly encourage out of state college students to try online dating because I feel that not only would you meet people who could introduce you to the new city you are living in, but it shows you what those of the opposite sex outside of the university structure have to offer after you graduate.
In no way am I saying that online dating is bad a thing. In fact, due to the success rate at which some people have been able to establish lasting relationships, I would say that it’s a legitimate form of dating. Let’s be honest, in an age where nearly everything is done through the use of some form of technology it was almost inevitable that this would occur at some point. However, I don’t feel as though it is something that would work for me. Without that initial human connection, I would always be wondering if the person on the other end of the computer is truly who they say they are. Not only in the sense of being catfished but whether or not we realize it, we adopt a certain persona through the use of social media. With these “social media personalities” that we sometimes adopt, it is very possible to come off one way online and be completely different in person as it relates to ones actual personality. So for now, I’ll stick to dating the “traditional way” (if there is such a thing). But who knows, anything can happen right?
What are your thoughts on online dating?
-Jordan
(Be sure to stay tuned for Part 3 of “The Plight of Online Dating” the final installment in the series and the first EVER Lessons From Happy Hour Vlog!)
