Some things will never change. The complicated dynamic of our interactions with others is certainly one of them. Relationships (no matter what level of intimacy) are perhaps the most complicated human interaction any of us face. The constant surveying of our family, friends, and significant others’ needs and the prioritizing of our own always seem to conflict in one way or another. It’s no wonder that nowadays having meaningful and substantial relationships (both romantic and platonic) seem nearly impossible. So after my own introspective recall of my past and current interactions, I questioned what made any of them successes and a lot of them failures. Was it the combating levels of selfishness and selflessness from myself and the other individual? Was it scheduling or a mix of life priorities? Did I only get along with like minded individuals? Did I tend to invite space into the friendship as I felt I was at a different plateau of my life, not being able to relate to my friend’s current place in theirs? Several questions that all lead to one answer. The most important factor in the success or failure of any relationship is communication.
Sure, you’re probably saying “Duh, that’s a given.” But before you exit out of this article and dive back into a MediaTakeOut, question why does the simplest form of human interaction, communication, manifest as the major complication in all areas of building meaningful and lasting relationships?
Supposedly, as twenty and thirty somethings, we are expected to know ourselves. We know what makes us tick–what we want, how we want it and maybe even who we want it from. Let’s pretend this is the case (although for so many of us, it definitely isn’t). If you have a clear understanding of your expectations, why has it becoming increasingly hard to let others know exactly what your standards and expectations are? It’s like this saying “You have to train others how to treat you.” Although the thought of “training” other grown adults seems a little odd, the concept is spot on. I’ve witnessed so many of my friends dive into dating relationships and are too afraid to be upfront about their expectations in fear of scaring of their potential suitor. I’ve also witness new friendships sprout where both individuals are afraid to be honest about their position in life in order to impress or relate to the other. With blunt, upfront and honest communication, there is an undeniable understanding of role within the new relationship. It eliminates confusion and serves as a guiding post for where exactly the relationship needs to go.
Aside from setting standards and expectations, often times it’s hard to express our emotions. The constant muting of feelings in order to “keep the peace” usually results in an unnecessary blow up later or worse, resentment. The beautiful thing about the relationships we are trying to foster is the security we have in them to be unapologetic–to be ourselves. The innate and raw expressions of happiness, disgust, remorse, or excitement ultimately make up who we are. Why try to mute those natural first feelings and reactions if only for temporary comfort? Here goes that open line of communication again–learning that expressing yourself to whoever you are building a relationship with allows for all conflicts, discussions, and dialogue to remain natural and for true progression to happen.
Just a challenge, the next friendship or dating situation you find yourself in, remind yourself to remain open, honest and always establish a clear line of communication. For the situations you are already in, invite that open line of communication and notice the changes it makes the dynamic of the relationship. Just remember, the more open and honest the easier everything might start to get.
What do you think about keeping an open line of communication with friends and significant others?
-Cj
