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Dear Two Guys,
I’ve been dating this guy for about 6 months now and while I really care about him, there are a few areas we don’t see eye to eye on. He’s a very social guy and goes out probably 4 nights out of the week. I find it very difficult to get him to stay in the house and spend quality time with me, and when I do convince him to stay in, he acts as if he’d rather be out drinking and partying with his friends. He’s also not a very intimate person, and I think this may stem from some issues he’s had in the past. When I try to discuss these issues, he’s very dismissive. There are a few areas our relationship needs work in, and it seems that every time we take one step forward, we take three steps back. I really want this to work because I care about him, but I can’t continue to be the only one fighting for it. Do I stick with it and try to work at it with him or do I just cut the cord?

-All Partied Out

Dear All Partied Out,

But in all seriousness it sounds as if the guy you are involved with is dealing with a terminal case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out). It is almost as though he truly fears that foregoing a night of partying and hanging out with his friends is detrimental to his well being. If he is continually distracted by what he could be doing while he is with you, you should take that as a sign that he would rather be elsewhere. Someone who cannot provide you with their undivided attention is communicating that you are not worth their time so you probably shouldn’t be wasting yours.Don’t sell yourself short for someone who isn’t interested in buying.

 It also seems that his habitual partying isn’t the main source of your reservations. There are two other major factors here that make us suggest severing that cord you speak of—intimacy issues as well as you and your boyfriend not being in the same stage of life. There is no greater frustration than talking to an emotional brick wall. If he won’t open up at all after your countless attempts at figuring out what makes him tick, what causes his behavior—it’s also time for you to shut down. We sometimes excuse others’ inability to open up to us, thinking they are just too hurt to revisit their past. Bullshit. It seems that he might just be displaying his inability to connect with you at all on that intimate level. Cue Elsa: Let It Go. A greater reason your doubt might be manifesting is that it’s evident you and your partying beaux are at two completely different stages in life. Remember the old church saying about being of the same yolk? Well it has a lot of truth to it. Although it’s great that two people who are venturing off into a relationship be different and bring various qualities out of one another, it’s also imperative that they have similar goals, aspirations and outlooks on life. If his partying behavior continually clashes with your need for quality time it’s once again time to cue Elsa and let it go.

Finally, it appears as though your boyfriend has a disinterest in communicating with you which is probably the biggest problem facing your relationship. As it has been stated on numerous occasions in many facets of life, communication is key and his refusal and unwillingness to do so will ultimately leave your relationship in a stagnant state. In order to achieve any growth it is imperative that you talk about your issues and attempt to work through them however, he only seems to have an interest in where the next party will be. It’s probably best that you invite him to the party of no longer being a part of your life and get out while your feelings are still relatively in tact.


two guys

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-Two Guys